I Hurt... So Much...

I just don't understand myself sometimes.
I set myself up for hurt. AGAIN.
God DAMN, why do I have to be so stupid?!
I fell for MIKE. Of ALL PEOPLE I had to pick Mike. He was with Nichelle! One of my dearest friends.
I'm a sick, sick individual.
I just got through saying I had given up. AND WHAT DO I DO?! I fucking fall for someone else! I am DISGUSTED with my weakness.
Yeah, I loved Mike. But even though he and Nichelle had broken up, he still loves her. And he says it would be strange being with me because of my age.
GOD. I am SO SICK of this.
EVERY FUCKING TIME!
God DAMN.
I hate myself. I really do.

School, Lunch, and A Whole Lotta Other Shit: Part Two

So... now that the first day of school (and the second) has come and gone, things seem to be looking MUCH, much better.
My schedule:

1st Period: Acting 1&2 with Mr. Sims.
2nd Period: Chamber Choir with Mr. Ronning.
3rd Period: AP (Advanced Placement) US History with Mr. Hanna.
4th Period: Advanced Culinary Arts with Ms. Merrit.
5th Period: AP English 11 with Mrs. Niermeyer.
6th Period: Animal Science with Mr. Carlson.

I am very pleased with my schedule thus far. Especially 1st and 2nd Period.
I LOVE Chamber Choir. LOVE it. I am deeply passionate about singing, and singing with a group again is simply enthralling. On Friday, we were working on a song called "Ipharadici", the African Freedom song. I almost CRIED, we sounded so good. I couldn't stop smiling and beaming, I was so happy. What I felt was pure, unadulterated JOY.
It was the first time I had felt joy in many months, and it was odd to feel it again. Kind of how it feels to be an invalid for a long time and to feel the wind on your face after becoming well, only much, much stronger.
I cannot wait until this long weekend is over. It's pointless as a white crayon. :P